


Efficiency

by yellow_owl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22738678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellow_owl/pseuds/yellow_owl
Summary: Gabriel takes a walk around Hell corridors and reads the posters
Relationships: Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 72





	Efficiency

It is amazing how quickly one can walk when trying to avoid an unpleasant conversation. And how easy it is to just continue walking wherever, to try and get away from everything just for some time.

Gabriel looked around: the corridor seemed rather dark, an assortment of posters stuck to grim looking walls. Even though he was pretty sure he now stood somewhere in the administrative quarters of Hell, there was nothing particularly demonic about the place. Yes, it certainly could have been cleaner and do with a bit more lighting, but... but on the plus side it was positively deserted, no Sandalphon in sight, thank... well, thank whomever by this point, honestly. And he was Archangel Gabriel, there was nothing for him to be afraid of here.

Gabriel took a deep breath and proceeded slowly along the wall, reading the posters. It felt like he could not focus, his thoughts scattering around, coming back to uncomfortable questions like ‘what do we do now?’ and ‘how about being a bit clearer about the ineffable plan' and Sandalphon. Sandalphon seemed to haunt him in his own thoughts now, and Gabriel decided that perhaps Hell was affecting him somewhat.

“GIVE UP NOW" – Gabriel read  
“CHEER UP: the worst IS YET TO COME!” – proclaimed the poster next to it, and despite himself Gabriel laughed. It was a bitter laugh, but most certainly a sincere one.

“Can I help you with anything?” – the voice came from a dark corner  
“Oh, hi!” – Gabriel turned towards the voice, – “Do you, er, work here?” – he used his most charming smile, trying hard to see the figure in the shadows.  
“Yes, for my sinzzz" – two glowing ice-blue eyes lifted up and looked straight at him. He thought he heard a soft “oh" after that too, but it might have been just his imagination  
“Lord Beelzebub”  
“Archangel Gabriel"  
“I, um...”  
“Don't tell me you're lost. No, shying away from your dutiezzz, are we?”

It was amazing, Gabriel thought, how Beelzebub could always look right through your soul

“Your silenzzze is the clearest anzzzzwer. I approve, pleazzzze stay"  
“Thank you. One manager to another, I really can't face them just now"  
“I have tonzzz of paperwork to do, but be my guezzzzt"

And at that they went back to their files. Gabriel breathed in and out. God, it felt good to feel understood sometimes. He followed along the wall, looking at more posters. He laughed at some of them, stared in thought at others... one he was certainly mystified by read ‘PLEASE DO NOT LICK THE WALLS'. Gabriel noticed it before, it seemed to pop up every so many metres, and every time he looked at it he was just a bit more curious. He was never one for curiosity, he found it unsettling, dangerous even. “There is no need for mysteries,” – he told himself, - “I am an archangel, thwarting evil, even... even in its own very layer is what I do".

And so, he squared his shoulders, came up close to the wall and touched it lightly with his tongue. He has never before, in fact, touched anything with his tongue, no need to sally the temple of his celestial body... But this... this was interesting. Tangy, and sweet, not at all unpleasant. He licked it again...

“I believe it sayzzz here ‘Pleazzze do not lick the wallzzz". I can see it was bold of me to assume an angel readzzz the signzzz. There are enough holezzz in the wallzzz to repair as it izzzzz, Gabriel."  
“Oh, I did read, I just... what is this, this taste? Why is it? Why can't one lick the walls?”  
“I can not believe I am saying thizzz... It tastezzz of apple"  
Gabriel was genuinely puzzled: “Apple?.. but why?”  
“Hell izzz bazzzed on sin, Gabriel. Do you know what the first sin wazzz?”  
“Oh, oh I see. You know I've never actually tried apples, or any other food. But! But I like your posters! This one, very relatable"  
“Yezzz, my favourite. It izzz very efficient.”  
“Maybe I should get one for myself.” – Gabriel looked at the blue eyes staring at him. He thought he saw a bit of a smirk too, it was hard to tell in the dark. “I best be going, thank you for... for giving time"  
“Do not thank me. Any time you need a moment, you can come. Azzz long azzz you do not lick the wallzzz."  
“Yes right, no good deed, and all that... Good bye, Lord Beelzebub"

***  
When Gabriel got back to his office, thankfully without encountering Sandalphon, a poster laid on his desk. He pinned it up to the door, it turned out to be very efficient indeed.


End file.
